If my daughter stands any chance of surviving her sexual trauma, I have to deal with my own. Yesterday I hung on the neck of an abuser I love like fireworks. The only maniac who would huff gasoline with me in ___________'s basement when we were kids. An ex-roommate who threw his lit cigarette at … Continue reading OMG. WTF, Me?
I can't slow it down. What if I just start typing it all? The whole river that's coming through my head. Word after word after word—there's no way to do it. The moment I start making sentences, organization begins. All those words, all those feelings I've learned to associate with sound conventions designed to transmit … Continue reading Journal 11/20/18
I lit this candle today for the first time in years. I let it burn while I said my Prayer To the Hustle-Gods and The Universe (because this candle came from Paducah, from a barn where I might have died but instead gave my first commercial hummer-- I hate that term, but it flows. I'd … Continue reading That Time I Pretended to be a Masseuse in Kentucky
I know it's only November. I know that neither meteorological nor astronomical winter has started yet in the Northern Hemisphere, that the meanest part of autumn hasn't hit and I shouldn't complain, but there are snowflake lights hanging in the business district where I live and my Facebook feed is getting saturated with Old Timey … Continue reading Sun In Winter
Midterm elections are over. Blue Waves, Red Tsunamis—whatever they were or wanted to be—saturated pre-Tuesday headlines, but the Green Current of medical and recreational cannabis floated to the top of a few states' polls. This Forbes story gives a nice surface view of the big wins, from municipal decriminalization in Ohio towns to Michigan going … Continue reading The Green Current (Pritzker and Weed)
Meds swallowed and half a cup of coffee down by 9:38 in the morning. Plans to visit a Friend at 11 moved to 11:30 so I can take a shower, scrub my face, and fix my hair before I leave the house (yesterday's attempt was bizarre, and I know it). Right now I'm barefoot with … Continue reading It Always Gets Better
Boyfriend says it's important to get up and shower every day. He says, Leave the house for something. You have to or you'll go crazy. I tell him, No major life decisions when you're manic, and he agrees. We talk for nearly an hour, his manic chatter recognized and named, my seizure-like anxiety (it's sudden and … Continue reading Crazy Love