I'm not kicking 2020's ass. I'm not going to conquer this new year. I'm almost 45 years old, so the odds are stacked against me that 2020 will contain loss and death. I might get diagnosed with something I don't want, I could lose a parent (or a grand—by grace, I have one left), and … Continue reading In Closing
I'm cooking jambalaya for the bar today. I've never made this before, but I've eaten it enough, so I found a basic recipe with celery, peppers, chicken and sausage and am rolling with it. I'm elaborating and improvising, though. They don't stock smoked paprika at the store I stopped at yesterday, but I bought andouille … Continue reading Mabon
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My brain had a panic attack — the Send ALL the Adrenaline kind — while I slept last night. It woke me. Right around 1:30 in the morning, I woke up gripped with the fear/certainty that I was literally dying. When I was 19, I liked eating acid in the middle of the night when … Continue reading Captain’s Log: Stardate 08192019
Tribe, it's August. Depending on where you live, your school-age children are either just starting their new academic year or anticipating this year's First Day. I'm going to let you in on something: a lot of depressed, bipolar, anxiety-punched people have no fucking idea where the social security cards are. The amount of paperwork, appointment-making … Continue reading School Daze:
Today I cleaned off my desk. Yes, I shifted some of the junk—the loose change, un-cased DVDs, bracelets, mystery toothbrush—to my bed , but I have a space to sit down and write again, and that's more important than presenting a non-eyebrow-raising sleeping place right now. I've been on sabbatical, off in the world doing … Continue reading Up For Air
Some days, all I have for the world is, Well, I'm not going to commit suicide today. That's what I can do. And then I treat myself like I'm very incompetent and get through the day. Welcome to today, tribal loves. My head is a jumble, a mean mine field detonating in chorus. In an … Continue reading To the Grind
Friends who call out your bullshit while it falls off your lips are the only kind I can have right now. The delivery can vary—one can listen until you're done then break it down, another might chant oxymoron while you keep verbally angling around your self-destructive plans—but they are treasured the same and what I need. … Continue reading Therapy Thursday
I have this new thing I've been doing with my kids where when they're totally acting like shits and digging their heels in out of pure stubborness and my genes and their fathers' in them, I give them a chance to have a do-over. "Do-over" means the four days of no screens, whole week of … Continue reading Wanna Try a Do-over?
Sometimes I tell people that if I was left to my own devices and had no other living things depending on me to not be horrible, I would live naked on a room-sized pile of dirty laundry. I would weave weed-stems and bones into my hair, paint stripes on my cheeks with cigarette ashes while … Continue reading I Made Myself Go To Therapy Again