I horrified someone into understanding one of the darkest stars in my mental illness sky yesterday because she wanted to "...yeah but..." her way through my answer to her question: why would anyone with everything going for them commit suicide? She came to a group of mentally ill people to ask that question—to a tiny … Continue reading What Do You Do With That?
Category: mental illness
We Could Be Heroes
I almost started this post with "Good morning," but I caught myself—it's one in the afternoon right now. We're only on day two or so of the officially requested shutdown and reordering of our lives—social distancing—and my concept of time and normalcy blurred a little bit on me. I think that's all of us right … Continue reading We Could Be Heroes
On a Plain
Speaking in metaphor only, I got my ass kicked three days ago and am still slow-motion falling toward the floor. And I can't do that right now. I have deadlines I worked for and open doors and windows all around me. My kids are mostly teens, all brilliant and strong and sensitive and growing, and … Continue reading On a Plain
Lemon Balm in Winter
Lemon balm doesn't grow well indoors. I didn't know that until I moved one into my dining room. She's an unplanned houseplant, a relic from last year's garden I brought inside (because at the end of the growing season, I found her flourishing in the center of the leafy geodome my un-staked tomato plants incidentally … Continue reading Lemon Balm in Winter
Death, Be Not Proud
I haven't written from inside of symptoms in months, but I'm getting ready to hop on the podcast this weekend, so I'd better practice ripping my head open when it's reeling — it's been a while. We're talking about suicide again on MK Ultrasound but not the act (we're going to have fun on there, … Continue reading Death, Be Not Proud
Captain’s Log: Stardate 08192019
My brain had a panic attack — the Send ALL the Adrenaline kind — while I slept last night. It woke me. Right around 1:30 in the morning, I woke up gripped with the fear/certainty that I was literally dying. When I was 19, I liked eating acid in the middle of the night when … Continue reading Captain’s Log: Stardate 08192019
School Daze:
Tribe, it's August. Depending on where you live, your school-age children are either just starting their new academic year or anticipating this year's First Day. I'm going to let you in on something: a lot of depressed, bipolar, anxiety-punched people have no fucking idea where the social security cards are. The amount of paperwork, appointment-making … Continue reading School Daze:
Up For Air
Today I cleaned off my desk. Yes, I shifted some of the junk—the loose change, un-cased DVDs, bracelets, mystery toothbrush—to my bed , but I have a space to sit down and write again, and that's more important than presenting a non-eyebrow-raising sleeping place right now. I've been on sabbatical, off in the world doing … Continue reading Up For Air
To the Grind
Some days, all I have for the world is, Well, I'm not going to commit suicide today. That's what I can do. And then I treat myself like I'm very incompetent and get through the day. Welcome to today, tribal loves. My head is a jumble, a mean mine field detonating in chorus. In an … Continue reading To the Grind
Therapy Thursday
Friends who call out your bullshit while it falls off your lips are the only kind I can have right now. The delivery can vary—one can listen until you're done then break it down, another might chant oxymoron while you keep verbally angling around your self-destructive plans—but they are treasured the same and what I need. … Continue reading Therapy Thursday
Coffee or Suicide 