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Lammas
Now is the time for crawlers. The night kind, garden-slick, fat. Lime-glowing suckers who munch and stunt things. I pull them off when I see them. They eat leaves otherwise and leave lace to languish where photosynthesis once triumphed. Summer is fading. The pollinators still come, but they're giving way to pests. To Earth's cleaners … Continue reading Lammas
Have a Nice 1984
I joined a gym. I went the lowest budget route I could find: $10 a month. Yes, they tried to sell me on the upgraded membership that gives access to tanning beds, massage chairs and hydromassage therapy units. I explained that I don't need new ways to make laying down more comfortable--the basic membership will … Continue reading Have a Nice 1984
How About Some Decaf?
This morning, I fixed myself decaf after my first full-throttle cup because I felt my mind and life racing fast enough already, and I held 15 mg of quality CBD tincture under my tongue while the neutered cup brewed—sublingual absorption gets the medicine to the brain quickly. I have the rare experience of being off … Continue reading How About Some Decaf?
Yoga, Malaise, Ink
"Are you interested in our spin?" "I don't know. I'm not sure what that is." "Oh it's great, I'll put you in it. There's a black light, loud music, it's so fun. You're all on bikes." "Oh wow. Okay. I'm actually going to pass on that one. I have PTSD and am high anxiety with … Continue reading Yoga, Malaise, Ink
If We Could Talk, Part 2
Yesterday, it would have been about work and how my stove caught fire in the morning, how I threw handful after handful of flour on the flames and when it finally went out, I had this mess of burned and caked flour everywhere. I'd have told you how I couldn’t leave the kids with that … Continue reading If We Could Talk, Part 2
If We Could Talk
I would tell you I looked at two apartments today, and both left me feeling like Goldilocks: one was too big (in price and space—the ceilings were loft-height, glorious Old Chicago 12-footers. In winter, I fear the heat would never reach me or my children in our beds. We'd swelter in summer. The place felt … Continue reading If We Could Talk
What Do You Do With That?
I horrified someone into understanding one of the darkest stars in my mental illness sky yesterday because she wanted to "...yeah but..." her way through my answer to her question: why would anyone with everything going for them commit suicide? She came to a group of mentally ill people to ask that question—to a tiny … Continue reading What Do You Do With That?
I’ve Been To the World, and I’m Going Back Inside
Mes amis, it's been a hot minute. I haven't written here since the end of April, when I declared my need to leave the hive for honey—time to go collect pollen and bring it home for processing. I forgot I said that. Spring came for me. I spent Beltane in a hot tub with an … Continue reading I’ve Been To the World, and I’m Going Back Inside
Can I Extrovert Safely?
I'm dreaming in color of driving dead friends like cargo through towns I don't know until I arrive home with their bodies. I don't know what to do when I get there, so I just leave the back windows open 4" or so and go back in my apartment. But once I'm inside, I'm obsessed … Continue reading Can I Extrovert Safely?
Coffee or Suicide 