This morning, I fixed myself decaf after my first full-throttle cup because I felt my mind and life racing fast enough already, and I held 15 mg of quality CBD tincture under my tongue while the neutered cup brewed—sublingual absorption gets the medicine to the brain quickly. I have the rare experience of being off … Continue reading How About Some Decaf?
My brain had a panic attack — the Send ALL the Adrenaline kind — while I slept last night. It woke me. Right around 1:30 in the morning, I woke up gripped with the fear/certainty that I was literally dying. When I was 19, I liked eating acid in the middle of the night when … Continue reading Captain’s Log: Stardate 08192019
Some days, all I have for the world is, Well, I'm not going to commit suicide today. That's what I can do. And then I treat myself like I'm very incompetent and get through the day. Welcome to today, tribal loves. My head is a jumble, a mean mine field detonating in chorus. In an … Continue reading To the Grind
Grace is waking up as late as your dizzy, dizzy head needs to and knowing that a stream of angels will pass through today, that your bar manager is getting your day covered for tomorrow so you can move out of your apartment on time. It's relocating your three customers on yesterday's shift (favorites all--trusted--five … Continue reading 12/6/18
I can't slow it down. What if I just start typing it all? The whole river that's coming through my head. Word after word after word—there's no way to do it. The moment I start making sentences, organization begins. All those words, all those feelings I've learned to associate with sound conventions designed to transmit … Continue reading Journal 11/20/18