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Tag: recovery

Have a Nice 1984

I joined a gym. I went the lowest budget route I could find: $10 a month. Yes, they tried to sell me on the upgraded membership that gives access to tanning beds, massage chairs and hydromassage therapy units. I explained that I don't need new ways to make laying down more comfortable--the basic membership will … Continue reading Have a Nice 1984 →

ATD family, journal, PTSD, trauma, Uncategorized Leave a comment March 15, 2022 3 Minutes

Captain’s Log: Stardate 08192019

My brain had a panic attack — the Send ALL the Adrenaline kind — while I slept last night. It woke me. Right around 1:30 in the morning, I woke up gripped with the fear/certainty that I was literally dying. When I was 19, I liked eating acid in the middle of the night when … Continue reading Captain’s Log: Stardate 08192019 →

ATD journal, mental illness 2 Comments August 19, 2019February 4, 2020 3 Minutes

Therapy Thursday

Friends who call out your bullshit while it falls off your lips are the only kind I can have right now. The delivery can vary—one can listen until you're done then break it down, another might chant oxymoron while you keep verbally angling around your self-destructive plans—but they are treasured the same and what I need. … Continue reading Therapy Thursday →

ATD journal, mental illness Leave a comment February 21, 2019February 12, 2020 1 Minute

Mission 1.0

I found this meme on Instagram today that said something like: Mental wellness is not Fight Club. We can talk about it. (I don't remember the precise words, and I couldn't find it again because I'm still pretty lost on that platform. Signed, I'm 43) It made me think of this album of selfies I … Continue reading Mission 1.0 →

ATD Addiction, journal Leave a comment January 9, 2019February 12, 2020 1 Minute

An Open Letter to My New Neighbors

Fellow Tenants: I like it here. Despite the See You Next Tuesday I don't even share walls or a hall with who told the police she smells weed coming from my apartment, I like it. (As an aside, I wish I knew what word she used. Was it "reefer?" Please baby Jesus let it have … Continue reading An Open Letter to My New Neighbors →

ATD Cannabis 2 Comments December 19, 2018February 12, 2020 3 Minutes

Right Now, I Need My Meds

For three days after I turned into a Prozac Dragon, I didn't take my medicine. Prozac Dragon is the fun name I made up for when my antidepressant capsule got hung up somewhere in my esophagus last week (December 12, 2018, to be exact--a Wednesday. I was supposed to work at the bar, and when … Continue reading Right Now, I Need My Meds →

ATD journal, mental illness 8 Comments December 17, 2018February 12, 2020 3 Minutes

12/6/18

Grace is waking up as late as your dizzy, dizzy head needs to and knowing that a stream of angels will pass through today, that your bar manager is getting your day covered for tomorrow so you can move out of your apartment on time. It's relocating your three customers on yesterday's shift (favorites all--trusted--five … Continue reading 12/6/18 →

ATD journal, mental illness Leave a comment December 6, 2018February 12, 2020 1 Minute

OMG. WTF, Me?

If my daughter stands any chance of surviving her sexual trauma, I have to deal with my own. Yesterday I hung on the neck of an abuser I love like fireworks. The only maniac who would huff gasoline with  me in ___________'s basement when we were kids. An ex-roommate who threw his lit cigarette at … Continue reading OMG. WTF, Me? →

ATD journal, mental illness 1 Comment November 24, 2018February 12, 2020 2 Minutes

It Always Gets Better

Meds swallowed and half a cup of coffee down by 9:38 in the morning. Plans to visit a Friend at 11 moved to 11:30 so I can take a shower, scrub my face, and fix my hair before I leave the house (yesterday's attempt was bizarre, and I know it). Right now I'm barefoot with … Continue reading It Always Gets Better →

ATD journal, mental illness Leave a comment November 3, 2018February 12, 2020 1 Minute

Crazy Love

Boyfriend says it's important to get up and shower every day. He says, Leave the house for something. You have to or you'll go crazy.  I tell him, No major life decisions when you're manic, and he agrees. We talk for nearly an hour, his manic chatter recognized and named, my seizure-like anxiety (it's sudden and … Continue reading Crazy Love →

ATD journal, mental illness 5 Comments November 2, 2018February 12, 2020 1 Minute

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